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8:02pm
Here comes Madonna and the animated Gorillaz. I saw them “perform” at the Euro MTV awards, and it was pretty cool, but what the heck does it look like when you’re there? Anything? It’s just plain weird.
8:04pm
Didn’t they say Gorillaz and Madonna? Is she coming out or not? Oh, I spoke too soon. Here she is. I’m not sure which is more perplexing…an animated band performing at the Grammys or a 40+ Madonna prancing around in a leotard.
8:07pm
Yay! First awkward audience pan! Followed by the first bad pun! “That was just one of 26 animated performances!”
8:09pm
Alicia Keys has 9 Grammys? Are you kidding me? She’s still hot though. And still annoying. Keys & Stevie Wonder are killing time while a slew of awards announcements fly by on the bottom of the screen. When you have 8 million categories, I guess you have to squeeze them in wherever you can.
8:11pm
Ugh. An impromptu, a capella “Higher Ground” backed by audience hand claps. This show forces spontaneity and uniqueness down your throat like no other. Finally, ten minutes after coming onstage, they present an award—Best Female Performance. They all suck, but blog fave (and reluctant babe) Kelly Clarkson wins, so that’s fine with me. Aw, she’s crying. So cute.
8:14pm
Chris Martin & Johnny Buckland of Coldplay are on the big screen talking about their last Grammy performance. What a weird way to introduce a band. Am I watching some MTV-produced show? Note to Coldplay: the original “Talk” lyrics were better. Note to Chris Martin: even Gwynnie’s not that melodramatic.
8:24pm
John Legend! Wearing a Cassius Clay Adidas track jacket. Where do they come up with this stuff? Ooh, how fancy! Black and white! Lemme guess, we’re going to see things in color when he changes the tempo in this “Ordinary People”/”Get Lifted” medley. You know it’s coming.
8:26pm
Ok, so I was wrong. They faded to color at some random time, and Legend gets to spread his wings on this great ballad. Please, don’t let him win that awful Best New Artist award.
8:29pm
Another Best New Artist nominee: Sugarland. They didn’t get a fancy self-intro. No love for the country bumpkins. Especially when you have sound problems and can hear a producer in the background. Nice work, guys.
8:32pm
Wow, Grammy knows awkward. Finish your performance, then present an award with Big & Rich. That Sugarland gal is hot though, I’ll give her that. So is Ms. Alison Krauss, a winner for Best Country Album. She’s got that quiet/shy/pool player look going for her.
8:39pm
Bono! Hmm…I wonder who’s coming on next? That’s right, it’s the Rolling Stones’ step-children! Seriously, 20 years from now an old bunch of Irish boys will be censored during the Super Bowl halftime show. Mark it.
8:42pm
There’s nothing I hate more than medleys (thank you, John Legend). Even pointless duets are better. Like Mary J. Blige and U2. If Mary J. is going to share the stage, why not with her mentor Diddy? I’d love to see that. What’s that you say? She’s recorded this song recently? I don’t really care. So did Joe Cocker. You don’t see him out there, do you?
8:45pm
Wait, they just showed Kanye and his win for “Gold Digger.” Are they afraid to let him give an acceptance speech or something?
8:46pm
Matt Dillon & Ludacris, together again. Except I don’t think they were actually in a scene together in Crash. Great movie though. And is it just me, or do the Grammy people have no respect for the past? Quickie recaps of the careers of the multiple Lifetime Achievement award winners before moving onto bigger and better things like the Best Rap Album. Terrible.
8:48pm
Here comes Kanye! In white jacket, red shirt, gold chain, black gloves…and sunglasses that even Stevie Wonder wouldn’t be caught dead in. Wait, did he just give a whole speech without offending anyone? The Golden Globes are more risqué than this!
8:55pm
Ben Roethlisberger!?! Phoney. You’re still not in the end zone buddy! That wasn’t gratuitous or anything…he introduced Kelly Clarkson’s introduction video. I love that Kelly Clarkson, but I blame her for all the idiots in this country that seem to think they can sing.
9:00pm
Billy Joe & Gwen Stefani! You know you’re old when rap & pop punk stars are the big names at old fogey award shows. Best Rock Album? Foo Fighters of course. Alas, the U2 juggernaut keeps rolling. U2 is like an sports all-star...once you’ve made it to the top, people seem to think you belong there perpetually, even when you don’t deserve it.
9:04pm
Isn’t it odd how only half of U2 ever speaks? And it’s the half with made-up names. Hmm, I think I’m on to something here.
9:09pm
Ellen is hilarious even though her appearance was even more nonsensical than Big Ben’s…”our next guest needs no introduction.” McCartney & the Rolling Stones are further proof of what I said about U2 earlier. They hit it big along time ago, haven’t really made anything that fantastic since (good, but not great), and yet they will forever be welcomed to perform at our award shows, halftimes and gala events.
9:12pm
Holy Dave Grohl! What did you do with your hair? It hasn’t been that short in a decade! I wonder what makeover show he went on to get that done.
9:13pm
Hey, more nostalgia. “Helter Skelter.” You know, that gives me an idea…he should’ve done this with U2…that would’ve been something. Instead we got the multi-culti subliminal ad for the One Campaign.
9:17pm
Please welcome Black Eyed Peas and Jennifer Love Hewitt!! Let’s not. Love’s on the hot/annoying list and Fergie’s on the fake hot list (in case you were keeping score). Apparently Mario is Black Eyed Peas’ Mexican dude’s “ninja.” They are drunk, that’s the only way to explain this.
9:26pm
Oh, poor Mariah. Music has been “closely linked to spirituality” for her. That’s funny, Mariah’s music has always been closely linked to sluttiness for me.
9:32pm
Buble & Hatcher are two odd looking people. At least Buble’s got better hair. Best Pop Vocal goes to Kelly Clarkson. Poor, poor Justin Guarini.
9:41pm
CBS shill Jenna Elfman introduces Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman, no wait, I mean Faith Hill. They are both tall, thin & (usually) blonde, so you can understand my confusion. By the way, did anyone know Faith Hill played an instrument? Shocking revelation for this non-country fan.
9:48pm
Best Rap/Sung Collabo! This might be my favorite award. What other genre gets this kind of treatment? Nobody’s giving out awards for best Spoken Word/Jazz Collabo, or best Metal/Children’s Collabo.
9:50pm
Only in today’s hyper-sensitive, copyright-protected world would somebody (Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda) thank his legal & management teams for “making this happen.” If that’s not an endorsement for relaxed copyright laws, I don’t know what is.
9:56pm
Dave Chappelle is a bear. Dude goes into hibernation last fall, nobody hears anything from him, and now all the sudden the man’s EVERYWHERE! Oprah, Grammys, Actor’s Studio, Dr. Phil…when’s it gonna stop, Dave?
9:58pm
Speaking of comebacks, it’s the original spaceman, Sly Stone. Or some bad approximation. Joss Stone? Is she related? She must be, they’re singing “Family Affair.” That Joss is way too ubiquitous for her own good. She was just at the Super Bowl, putting her English Whitey stamp on all sorts of American Soul records. Shame on her.
10:00pm
Please welcome Fantasia (what, no Ruben Studdard?) and some dude I’ve never heard of in a white trash sleeveless jacket with bad tats. Hey, more white soul! It’s Maroon 5. Seriously, this terrible medley of Sly gems is not worth my time. Just trot out the reclusive genius already!
10:02pm
It’s now 6 minutes since Chappelle introduced him, and still no signs of Sly Stone. Instead we get the attention-whore Black Eyed Peas.
10:04pm
Still going…nothing outlasts the Energizer Bunny of tribute medleys. At least this Robert Randolph/Aerosmith collabo has some legs. Steven Tyler gave the best performance though, cause he finally introduced the mohawked, silver trench-coat clad man of the hour last ten minutes. Who then proceeds to trot offstage before the song is even over. Wow, that sure was worth the wait!
10:13pm
Stylists love cool James. Make some noise for Jigga & Linkin Park! Um, I’ll stick with silence, thanks. They coulda put McCartney, Danger Mouse & Jay-Z together, and I woulda made noize for that one.
10:17pm
Am I prescient or something? I got part of that right. Jay-Z, Paul McC and Chester Bennington sharing the stage, singing “Yesterday.” Is this post-post-modern or what?
10:24pm
Tom Hanks is too big for the podium. Dude gets a mic and stands in the crowd. That’s hardcore. Somehow it makes sense having Hanks introduce Springsteen. Maybe it’s cause they were huge in the 80s and are now critical stars, maybe it’s cause they helped define America in the last 25 years. Or, more likely, it’s because the Boss once recorded a song for a Hanks movie.
10:30pm
Together again for … “tonight” aka the last time, it’s Destiny’s Child, aka Beyonce & the two other girls. Speaking of the two others, it appears as though Kelly & Michelle have switched heads. You should see it for yourself, it’s quite disturbing.
10:32pm
U2 wins Song of the Year (for an OK tune) and the Grammy folks start playing Mariah Carey. Nice work. I think that makes four major gaffes for the production team already tonight…and we still have an hour to go!
10:38pm
I haven’t heard a better line all year…”start the five second delay now” implores Mr. West. Apparently halftime at the Grammys comes closer to the fourth quarter, but that’s okay, this one’s worth the wait. This is the showstopper you’ve been waiting for. Oh, and in case you hadn’t noticed, band geeks are hot.
10:44pm
Is this a first? A live performance of a rap skit? No matter, on to the best song on Kanye’s 2nd album--“Touch the Sky.” Or, 30 seconds of it at least. Oh well, onto the next one.
10:45pm
Sheryl Crow and (Lance Armstrong’s emergency replacement) Sting present Record of the Year to Green Day, for a song that’s been out for “two years” according to Billy Joe. And here I thought only the Best New Artist category was completely out of touch with reality.
10:53pm
All filler, no killer tonight. KW State and JFU came close, and a sultry Christina with Herbie Hancock is nice, but this show is seriously lacking in pep. Maybe next year they’ll finally co-opt the indie culture and we’ll see some Arcade Fire or Death Cab. Yeah, I’m not holding my breath either.
11:05pm
And the Runner-Up for Second Oddest Pairing is Common, Fiona Apple and Chuck D, presenting the Best “New” Artist. At least it’s an artist, though hopefully for “my homey” John Legend, part of the Good Music crew, he won’t go the way of Lauryn Hill.
11:07pm
In Memoriam. Much love for R.L. Burnside, Ibrahim Ferrer, Wilson Pickett, Lou Rawls, Luther Vandross and my forever favorite Chris Whitley. You will be missed.
11:10pm
And last but not least, Richard Prior. Now, I know the Grammys are about more than just music, but it’s a bit odd to be honoring a comedian in the midst of all this musical pomp and circumstance.
11:17pm
Final award of the evening already? How many awards did they even pass out on camera, six? I know people like their performances and all, but this is an awards show, isn’t it? If I want to watch a bunch of over-the-top, over-hyped collabos and “once-in-a-lifetime” events, I’ll tune in to the VMAs. On second thought…
11:20pm
U2 wins again. I like them and all, and really enjoyed Atomic Bomb, but seriously, Album of the Year? For what year, anyway? This came out two years ago! But really, this was the oldest group on the list, so obviously they would get it. Makes you wonder if when we grow old we’ll still be voting for our fogey contemporaries instead of the exciting new music the crazy kids are making.
11:22pm
Please welcome the president of the recording academy, who’d like to berate you on the dangers of file sharing and internet piracy.
11:23pm
Luckily, I was wrong. Instead he made a nice heartfelt plea for the people and music of New Orleans. And with this massive collaboration, I bid my one reader adieu. See you live (for real this time) at the Oscars!
8:00pm
Red carpet highlights? Are we kidding? And Dean Cain must be kicking himself. I mean, he was Superman! And all people can talk about is that whiny Lois Lane. And there she is wearing shiny golden fish scales!
8:02pm
Mariah Carey is glad to make music that lets her be who she is: a slut in prostitute's clothing.
8:03pm
The party of the year?! Isn't that the Super Bowl? What, they said it again... I wonder if they've trademarked it: "The Golden Globes: The Party of the Year™!"
8:04pm
Is this really a Pussycat Dolls rip-off jingle? Can this get any cheesier? My celebrity love/hate meter is now moving quickly towards hate.
8:07pm
Here we go Queen! Latifah! An attempt at social importance. Ouch, doesn't work.
8:08pm
A shorn Natalie Portman & Adrien Brody present Best Supporting Actor. My vote? Matt Dillon. The winner? Clooney, getting the first of many. Offhand, doesn't Portman look a bit like Spock with that short hair and those scary eyebrows?
8:10pm
Clooney obviously watches the Daily Show, as he's commenting on the unfortunate name Jack Abramoff (aka Jack-off), whom he thanked for no reason other than to ruffle some feathers.
8:11pm
Best Supporting Actress winner? My pick, the lovely Rachel Weisz. Great accent, great actress, great taste (she's married to the wacky/talented Darren Aronofsky). Yummy. Not a fan of that hairdo though. Let it down!
8:18pm
Now here's a pairing: Jessica Alba and Luke Wilson. I have a love/hate relationship with little miss Alba. I want to hate her because she sucks and has no redeeming qualities, and I want to love her because she has the looks to make me forget her suckiness.
Paul Newman wins the Hodgepodge Award for acting in a supporting role in tv. He's not here because he's busy making salad dressing.
8:20pm
Old Lois and New Clark! The ubiquitous, aforementioned Ms. Hatcher and Brandon Routh are not a good comedy team. I am excited about that new Supes movie though. Should be good stuff even if Kate Bosworth is a horrible idea for Lois. Moving along... Sandra Oh wins the ladies Hodgepodge. Apparently she's nuts, but at least she won cause she's the only good thing on that otherwise completely overrated show.
8:28pm
Drew Barrymore, I ca see your nipples! Nice dress though, smart move with the emerald. Green is in. Mark it down. Good Night, and Good Luck gets the "in case you didn't see it here's one of our nominees" treatment.
8:29pm
What's the deal with Emmy Rossum? She's in Phantom of the Opera and suddenly she's a darling at these award shows. She's cute and all, but maybe you could actually be a star before you present at these things (even if it's only announcing the obligatory Random Foreign Press Guy).
8:31pm
Jesse L. Martin & the most desperate of all housewives (though I think you need a husband to be a housewife) Nicolette Sheridan. The HFPA loves them some Desperates, so they just had to get them all in somehow. Geena Davis wins for Commander in Chief. Is a hint from all these foreign press that they'd like to see a different president? Hmm...
8:33pm
You know, everyone gives Hilary Swank a bad rap for looking like a man, but she's a supermodel compared to Geena Davis. What's that? I'm completely mean and rude? Yeah, you're right. But I only said what you and everyone else were thinking.
8:35pm
Ian McShane & Evangeline "Kate" Lilly, another in green, presenting Best TV Actor. I don't watch that House, but my guess is they'll give it to the Brit (even if Kiefer deserves it). And of course I'm right. These foreigners gotta give some love to their own kind whenever possible. Can't give us Americanos too much credit, after all.
8:37pm
Known primarily for his scruff, Laurie may now be known for one of the most ingenious acceptance speech I've seen in recent memory. Drawing names out of his hat (or in this case his left pocket) with his tongue, as they say, planted firmly in cheek.
8:43pm
Another inexplicable Golden Globe favorite, Melanie Griffith, presents her daughter (with Don Johnson? How long ago was that?) and The Producers. A shoo-in for nomination in this category (being both comedy and musical, this thing better not win. I haven't seen it, but I'm sure I'm right.
8:46pm
Queen's back, this time with Matt Dillon presenting the Mini-Series award. Zzzzzz... Do we care? And isn't the mini-series a tired concept anyway? Most of the time (Band of Brothers, Into the West, et al) notwithstanding, it's usually just a movie split over two nights. What we should really be doing is an actual mini-series. The original UK The Office comes to mind. Just come up with a short story, run it for 13 episodes or so, and be done with it. Sounds like the future of television to me.
8:49pm
From CSI and Stacked...wait, did they really put these two together? Peterson got it right when he said "beauty and the geek." Now, where's Ashton? They're presenting Steve Carell with the Globe for Best TV Comedy Actor!! Yay! Obviously the foreigners don't hate us that much, given the remake status of this great show. I love that the American Office will finally get some viewers thanks to iTunes and this little award show. It's well deserved, and now that Arrested D is going off the air, The Office is the funniest show on TV.
8:57pm
Let's get political! Political! I wanna get political! Tim Robbins and his wild haircut presenting the highly respected political thriller The Constant Gardener.
8:59pm
Jamie "Double XX" Foxx presenting Best Actress Musical/Comedy. Is this party off the chain yet? No? Maybe if Jamie serenaded us with some of his "Unpredictable." No, I don't think that's a good idea either. It baffles me, by the way that The Squid and the Whale&mdashLaura Linney is nominated for her role—is considered a comedy. I mean, it's funny and all, but in that painful way where laughing is your only defense. Reese wins. Good for her. I still haven't seen that movie, but I'm smitten with her as a brunette. Gotta see that one.
9:03pm
Chris Rock obviously couldn't host the Oscars because he was presenting here. Conflict of interest and all. Best Actress in a TV Comedy...four Desperates and one who's even moreso (Mary Louise Parker from HBO's Weeds. My bet is on one of these overrated Desperates to win. Which one, I don't care, because that show went from oddly watchable to oddly terrible. Shocker!! MLP wins for the second year in a row (her cleavage, sadly, has shrunk considerably from last year). I wonder if the voters figured the best way to avoid catfights on the Housewives set was to make them all losers. Good plan.
9:10pm
Emma Thompson? They're bringing these people out of the woodwork! It's well-suited though. Someone obviously had a brain picking these presenters, as they all have some ties to the movies their presenting. This time it's the "very, very young" Pride and Prejudice starring the beguiling, skinny but never starved, Kiera Knightley.
9:12pm
More foreigners!! Aussie Eric Bana and Brit babe Kate Beckinsale. She's one of those impossibly pretty ladies they put up on screen all the time (though I often wonder what she would look like in real life under normal lighting). What is this category again? Oh, yeah, acting in a mini-series. Jonathan Rhys-Myers looks like he's coked up all the time with those bug eyes and high forehead. I have to disparage him because he had the enviable position of staring at Scarlett Johansson's breasts during Match Point. Oh, how I could see through those eyes...
9:16pm
Actress time. I love that Kelly MacDonald's Scottish accent. Too bad we couldn't give the award to her. Oh well. It's nice to see "working" actors and actresses win at these things every now and again. S. Epatha Merkerson, Law & Order vet gets her due in a category where her costar Halle Berry could've won on looks and name alone. Yay underdogs!
9:25pm
Colin Firth is the second presenter (showing off Match Point) from the new movie Nanny McPhee. I wonder who paid the HFPA to promote this movie so boldly? I know these presenting gigs are about as shill-worthy as a late night loveseat, but still.
9:27pm
Speaking of shill-worthy, the stars of Firewall are here! Virginia Madsen and her breasts! Er, I mean Harrison Ford. Love the drink in hand Ms. Madsen. Couldn't put that down on a table on your way out to the stage? That's classy. Anyhoo. Madsen and her boobs present the screenplay award to the writers from Brokeback Mountain. Expect a few more winners from "the gay cowboy movie" later in the evening. McMurtry thanked his typewriter, which he loves for not being a computer. If you're going to be that much of a luddite, why not just write the thing by hand? George Lucas does it that way, and he makes space cowboy movies.
9:35pm
NBC schlubs!! (that dude from Las Vegas and that chick from Crossing Jordan). The one time I saw that Vegas show, it had a wet t-shirt contest full of visible nipples and beasts. Obviously the FCC isn't watching, so who is? These two pretty faces are presenting Best Comedy, which is obviously those Desperates. You know, the only thing worse than this show is the endless fawning by everyone from award show voters to glossy celeb/trash mags.
9:38pm
Penelope Cruz breaks my theory of logical presenters when she introduces Mrs. Henderson Presents. Unless I'm missing something (is she naked a lot? I'd ask Tom Cruise, but I don't think he knows), the only tie is foreigner to foreigner.
9:39pm
Here's a category Penelope should've introduced, Best Foreign Film. Instead we get the stars of a really bad movie I just saw advertised—Terry Bradshaw (!) plays somebody's dad—Globe fave SJP and her texan buddy McConaghey. As for this category, isn't it a bit oxymoronic (or something) for the Foreign Press to give an award in America for Foreign Films?
9:45pm
The "great international star" Catherine Denueve presents A History of Violence. That term reminds me a lot of the musical version "big in Japan," or the sports version "soccer is the biggest sport in the world." It's designed to make us Americans feel stupid for not knowing who or what these people are.
9:47pm
Julian McMahon should've asked be announced as "from Nip/Tuck" instead of that awful Fantastic Four. Or he could've just let Rosario Dawson come out by herself. The loveliest lady of the ball gives the Globe to John Williams for Best Score. When are we going to stop giving this guy awards? Hasn't he won enough? I know he's our greatest living film composer and all, but come on! Nobody even liked that crappy geisha movie!
9:50pm
Golden Slut Mariah Carey gives away another award to the Brokeback folk for Original Song. Nice to hear the voice of someone who knows how to age gracefully, Emmylou Harris, on the winning ditty.
9:53pm
I haven't been commenting on commercials...until now. That Scarlett and her high intensity pigments seem to have stolen her look from Mr. Michael Stipe. If you saw the commercial, you'll know what I mean.
9:56pm
The big apple herself, Gwynnie Paltrow/Martin presents the DeMille Award to Anthony...excuse me, Sir Anthony Hopkins. I have to admit I've not seen most of these movies they're featuring. I was never much of a Hopkins fan. I'd much rather follow along with Richard Harris or even Michael Gambon.
10:05pm
Why does Gwynnie keep calling him Antony? That's weird and annoying. Hopkins gives mad props to the grips and the best boys and all the other behind-the-scenes people. I usually wonder about the sincerity of such plugs, but Sir H appears to be very upright in his thankfulness.
10:10pm
Mandy Moore? What are you doing here? That Squid and the Whale is the very definition of "Black Comedy." Dark, funny stuff.
10:13pm
Eastwood's face looks like it was carved from stone. Ang Lee wins! But of course. It's about time he made up for The Hulk disaster.
10:18pm
Travolta's proving that the nominees aren't the only ones getting drunk at this shindig. Pierce Bronson? Is he related to Charles? "Pay up!" says a boisterous (and also drunk) Ryan Phillippe, clearly having a good time. Joaquin, our winner, cracks wise about winning in the comedy/musical category—sounds like a backhanded compliment to me.
10:25pm
Tug McGraw's kid needs to take his hat off when he's indoors. I don't care if he's a cowboy singer, show a little respect, man!
10:26pm
What's the deal with Zellweger anyway? She might be the least attractive "hot chick" in Hollywood...after Kirsten Dunst, of course. Walk the Line wins Best Comedy/Musical. I REALLY need to see that movie.
10:35pm
The cast of Will & Grace! Finally! We never have to see them again after tonight. (He said hopefully). They're presenting TV Drama? Huh? Oh well, at least that foreign press recognizes the best show on TV, Lost. Nerds (Lindelof/Cuse/Abrams, I'm talking to you) in glasses rule!
10:39pm
Dennis Quaid, doing his best Randy imitation, sure knows how to sell an inappropriate (and lame) joke: "Rhymes with chick flick." It gave Heath a chuckle but his wife clearly has better taste in comedy.
10:41pm
That dreamboat Leo actually looks a day over 23 for the first time ever...though maybe that facial hair is fooling me. Best Actress Felicity Huffman proves that there are second chances in life—even in Hollywood.
10:48pm
Hilary Swank gets no love from the Tabs—just cause she can "Ugg Up" with the best of them doesn't make her actually ugly or even mannish. Nobody gives Cillian Murphy a hard time just cause he looks like a girl! Anyway, Philip Seymour Hoffman is another in a line of character actors and underrateds getting their due in recent years. Bravo.
10:54pm
Speaking of under, er, I mean overrated, it's Denzel! Who's gonna win that chintzy little trophy? Like there's a doubt. The gay cowboy movie rides off into the award show sunset with the globe. Good luck at the Oscars, pardners.
11:00pm
That's it, I'm outta here. See you at the Grammys, losers!
It is an uplifting story of hope and perseverance, but often times throughout the film I could not help but think of those who are less fortunate. I recently saw a piece on SportsCenter about Travis Roy, the one-time Boston University hockey player who was paralyzed in a freak accident during his first-ever college game. Travis is completely paralyzed from the neck down. Thinking of his story, I couldn’t help but see the stars of Murderball just as the movie sees them and as they see themselves—ordinary people leading extraordinary lives.
DVD Extras
The DVD includes a slew of special features, from young Keith getting his first rugby chair at the movie’s premiere to a candid update with embattled (former) Team Canada coach Joe Soares. There is also an extensive interview with Larry King on his CNN program, notable mostly for the host’s lack of pre-interview preparation. The guys in the interview (Hogsett, Cohn, Zupan, Lujano and Keith) appear as they do in the movie: confident, outspoken and very comfortable with themselves.
My favorite extra, in spite of its obvious corporate shilling, was the Jackass Murderball Special. Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Chris Pontius and Wee-Man get together with Hogset, Cohn and Zupan for a few days of MTV-sponsored fun. The result is an oddly touching unity of spirit. The Jackass boys, who by their own admission are perpetually one accident away from joining the quad rugby team, fit in well with the hardcore mentality of the players. The show is full of the usual Jackass antics (“The Black Eye Game” needs to be seen to be believed), but like the movie it proves that these guys aren’t that different from the rest of us after all.
Grade: A
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With King Kong, Peter Jackson moves ever closer to cementing his status as the rightful heir to Steven Spielberg’s popcorn throne. This is a massive movie—a grand adventure in old-fashioned movie making with the modern twist of dazzling special effects and stunning digital characters. Kong is filled with thousands of effects shots, but nothing is more elegantly created than the big ape himself. The original 800-pound gorilla is the most believable digital character in history, topping Jackson’s own Gollum (as well as other recent stars like Yoda and Aslan). On top of that, the movie features the best dinosaurs I’ve ever seen on film (sorry Jurassic Park), and a marvelous, vivid recreation of 1933 New York.
With all the whiz-bang effects and the thrill of the unrelenting set-pieces staged on Skull Island, lost in the shuffle are great performances by a huge cast including Jack Black as the conniving, careless Denham, Billy Elliott’s Jamie Bell as young shipmate Jimmy, Ron Livingston doppelganger Kyle Chandler as the suave movie hero Bruce Baxter and Andy Serkis as the plucky cook Lumpy. The stars of the picture shine brightest of all though: Naomi Watts progresses from wide-eyed newbie to downtrodden heroine alongside her giant beau, “played” by motion-capture hero Andy Serkis. Serkis, first with Gollum and now with King Kong, has single-handedly carried digital acting to the forefront of modern movie making. Serkis did not invent digital acting, but no one has done it better, before or since.
In a movie year known for unusual love stories, King Kong takes first prize, as the “love triangle” between Ann Darrow (Watts), Kong and the writer-turned-hero Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody) is both tragic and hopeful. Jackson, with the help of his screenwriting partners Phillipa Boyens and wife Fran Walsh, create an oddly believable tension in Ann’s desire to protect Kong, even when she is happy to be saved by Jack. Though the live story drives the film forward after its long prologue in New York and at sea, the audience is really looking for action and adventure. From start to finish, the epic King Kong never fails to deliver on this promise. Peter Jackson has created the ultimate homage to the inspiration for his career: a movie that stands alongside the great popcorn movies of all-time.
Grade: A
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13. Curb Your Enthusiasm
12. How I Met Your Mother
11. Desperate Housewives
10. Alias
09. South Park
08. My Name Is Earl
07. Reno 911!
06. Veronica Mars
05. 24
04. The Office
03. Gilmore Girls
02. Arrested Development
01. Lost
05. Real World/Road Rules Challenge
04. Survivor Guatemala
03. The Amazing Race 7
02. Project Runway
01. Survivor Palau
08. Sex and the City Complete Series
07. Fraggle Rock Season 1
06. The Muppet Show Season 1
05. The Simpsons Seasons 6&7
04. The Adventures of Pete & Pete Seasons 1&2
03. Seinfeld Seasons 5&6
02. Arrested Development Seasons 1&2
01. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Chosen Collection
05. Ellen
04. The Colbert Report
03. Late Show with David Letterman
02. The Daily Show with John Stewart
01. Late Night with Conan O'Brien
05. Stephen Colbert on "The Colbert Report"
04. Will Arnett on "Arrested Development"
03. Michael Cera on "Arrested Development"
02. Rainn Wilson on "The Office"
01. Tony Hale on "Arrested Development"
05. Amy Poehler on "Saturday Night Live"
04. Kerri Kenney on "Reno 911!"
03. Alyson Hannigan on "How I Met Your Mother"
02. Charlize Theron on "Arrested Development"
01. Ellen DeGeneres on "Ellen"
03. The OC
02. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
01. NCIS
03. Kitchen Confidential
02. Alias
01. Arrested Development
03. Freddy
02. Stacked
01. The War at Home
03. Verizon VCast
02. iTunes TV Store/iPod Video
01. Tivo2Go
03. Spike Jonze's "Adidias 1"
02. Sierra Mist "Mist-Takes"
01. Gatorade "Winning Formula"
06. Michael Ian Black
05. Paul Scheer
04. Rachel Harris
03. Roger Ebert & Richard Roeper
02. The Modern Humorist Guys
01. Tony Kornheiser & Mike Wilbon
05. Trading Spouses
04. Fear Factor
03. Skating with Celebrities
02. Dancing with the Stars
01. MTV
05. "The Late Show Bear"
04. "Nascar Lovin' Gun Totin' Jesus"
03. "Conan O'Brien Hates My Homeland"
02. "The Lighting of the Vigoda"
01. "Lazy Sunday"
12. "Odd Men Out Tour" (Ben Folds/Rufus Wainwright with Ben Lee) at Chateau Ste. Michelle Winery
The show was too short, and Ben & Ben failed to reunite to play "Bruised" (40% of the reasons I went), but the show was fantastic nonetheless. Folds & Rufus joining forces for the Wham classic "Careless Whisper" didn't hurt, nor did Folds' NWA cover, "Bitches Ain't Shit." I'm sure this was not a truly spontaneous performance, but the magic was there all the same.
11. Beck at the Paramount
Last time I saw Beck was with the Flaming Lips for the Sea Change tour. Things were drastically different this time around, with a larger, louder band, but Beck's songs hold up in any environment. The highlight of the show was the brilliantly conceived and executed dinner party (if you were there, you know what I mean), where wine glass rims replaced the string arrangements on "Guess I'm Doing Fine."
10. Mike Doughty's Band at the Showbox
I saw Doughty & Handsome Dan earlier in the year, but had to go back when he rolled into town with the rest of the band. The "medium rock" moved a little more toward "large" and freed up the man formerly known as M. to get a little wild with some 80s covers, Kenny Rogers and a new "Firetruck" remix. Next time he's in town, I'll be there again.
09. Kings of Leon at Easy Street Records
I saw the Followill boys at a proper live show later in the year, but this March in-store performance is hard to top. Playing through some bum equipment and scorching hot temperatures inside the not-very-big store, Kings of Leon steamrolled through 15+ songs for a packed, enthusiastic crowd.
08. Arcade Fire at the Paramount
This performance would've been much higher if not for my #1, but it wins points for the band's march offstage and out to the lobby, where they finished the show in an acoustic jam session on the stairs. Immediatley I found out they'd been doing things like this throughout the tour, but that doesn't take away the uniqueness of the moment.
07. Ben Lee at the Crocodile
This was the first (but certainly won't be the last) time I ever saw Ben headline a sold-out show here in Seattle. Riding the high of a well-recepted new album, Ben and his flower-power friends performed another solid show of inclusive pop anthems, even convincing the cynical crowd to sing along at the end of the show.
06. SMART Benefit featuring Dave Eggers, Sarah Vowell, Mike Doughty, Daniel Handler and Death Cab for Cutie at McCaw Hall/Bumbershoot
Here's one of those once-in-a-lifetime events you can only find at a festival like Bumbershoot. Daniel Handler and his according played manic host, Dave Eggers read a letter "written" by a dog, Mike Doughty eschewed his promised "spoken word" for some sung ones instead and Sarah Vowell utilized the evening's house band Death Cab to give us all an education in the history of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." At the end we were all treated to a short set from Death Cab and a big encore with all the stars for a bouncy rendition of "Hungry Like the Wolf." All this and for a good cause, too.
05. Michael Franti & Spearhead at the Bumbrella Stage/Bumbershoot
I've been a fan for nearly 10 years, but have never gotten to see the band live until this year. I've been missing out. Much like Ben Lee, Franti creates a true sense of community and togetherness through his music, and that comes out in each performance. Iggy Pop may have headlined the final night of Bumbershoot, but it was this show that was still rocking late into the night. A fitting end to the weekend.
04. Ben Lee at Chop Suey
This show proves again why Ben is one of my all-time favorite live performers. Featuring a proposal, a great set featuring two fantastic covers and a bar-top encore, this will live in my memory for a long, long time.
03. Foozer at Key Arena
Weezer I used to like a lot, but not so much anymore. Foo Fighters I've always loved. Together, they only exceeded my expectations. This was my first time seeing both, but probably won't be my last. Both of these bands broke out of the mold, with Rivers performing in the back of the general admission section on "Island in the Sun" and Grohl venturing into the crowd twice in total rock star style. I don't go to big concerts often, but if more were like this, I might.
02. Mike Doughty at Neumo's
It has proved to be a year where anything can happen when I attend a live show. In addition to a great "solo" set (with Handsome Dan), Mike performed four songs outside on the street before the doors opened. Luckily, I was there to see it.
01. The Arcade Fire at the Gorge/Sasquatch
The Paramount show may have been a better show, but it's hard to top the utter joy/thrill of seeing this band for the first time. It was a strangely emotional experience. The moment the chorus rang together on "Wake Up" to start the show, I discovered my love for this band is a lot deeper than I would ever have expected the first time I heard their music. I had heard a lot of hype about their live performances, but The Arcade Fire exceeded every expectation. The fact that my first time was at one of the most incredible venues in the country only made it sweeter.
12. The Go! Team - Thunder, Lightning, Strike
I know, I know, it came out last year overseas. But it was also rereleased this year with two extra tracks. I actually have the import, but no matter which version it is, this is my favorite dance-pop-party album since Junior Senior's debut a couple years ago. Undeniably catchy, and great for dancing on your feet or in your seat.
11. Death Cab for Cutie - Plans
While not quite as groundbreaking as their final Barsuk effort Transatlanticism, Plans is another great Death Cab album. From great pop songs like "Soul Meets Body" to the intimate, instant-classic "I Will Follow You Into the Dark," the boys from Bellingham have managed to make the transition to major-label a relatively smooth one.
10. Foo Fighters - In Your Honor
Never original, always vital, Dave Grohl has a problem. He's a really nice, often sensitve guy who likes to rock. Hard. He's conflicted, and this album shows it. Half rocking, half acoustic, totally enjoyable. The rock side is consistently one of the best Foo Fighters albums ever, and the acoustic side, though not quite as good, has some surprises worth visiting, including vocals by Norah Jones and drummer Taylor Hawkins.
09. Calexico | Iron & Wine - In the Reins / Iron & Wine - Woman King
Sam Beam, just a few short years into his career, has already crafted some of my favorite albums and songs of all-time. This year's two mini-albums tide us over until the next full length. Woman King is solid, but my pick is the Calexico collaboration, which pulls Beam's signature southern porch music a bit more in the southwestern direction, to great effect.
08. The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema
I never really got into the first two New Pornographers albums, though I did love "The Laws Have Changed." This one got me for its subtleties and range of sounds. Not just limited to super-group indie pop anymore, Twin Cinema loosens the knot and frees the band to explore.
07. Sufjan Stevens - Illinois
I guess I'm not much of a blogger, since I have this at #7 instead of #1. It is a fantastic album though, and contains many of my favorite songs of the year. But it also has a lot of filler, particularly in the second half. I give Sufjan a great deal of credit for his courage and ambition, but the whole package falls just short. I fully expect Delaware to reach #1 when it comes out in 2009.
06. Mike Doughty - Haughty Melodic
I discovered Doughty's solo work via Napster four years ago and have been a growing fan of his music (including his Soul Coughing days) ever since. This is his first proper solo album, and it's a hidden gem of catchy pop songs with lyrics ranging from funny ("Busting Up a Starbucks") to thought provoking ("White Lexus").
05. Josh Rouse - Nashville
One of my favorite singer-songwriters in the business, Josh Rouse has crafted yet another excellent album of country-tinged pop. Put this album on in the late afternoon and you'll see what I mean.
04. Son Volt - Okemah and the Melody of Riot
Don't call it a comeback, but a reformed Son Volt has made its best album since Trace came out nearly ten years ago. Jay Farrar, wisely moving away from his ill-fated attempts at Jeff Tweedy style space-country, once again finds a collection of songs that suit his worn, warm voice.
03. Beck - Guero
Guero sounds like a B-sides retrospective, mashing styles sampled by Beck throughout his eclectic discography. Though it's not as personal as Sea Change, nor as "new" as Odelay, the album ranks high for its ability to merge these disparate influences into one cohesive idea.
02. Ben Lee - Awake Is The New Sleep
If you had asked me about this album in the weeks after I got it, I would've said I was disappointed that it didn't capture the joy of hearing these songs live. Since then (I've had this album for nearly a year now), I've seen the light. While not my favorite album of Ben's, this might be my favorite collection of songs. Except for the indulgent opus "Light," Ben Lee has recorded an album of sincere, honest and better yet, memorable pop songs that stick in your head and your heart.
01. Kings of Leon - Aha Shake Heartbreak
This was my favorite album when I got it, and nothing released since has been able to take it down from the top spot. The Followill boys avoided the sophomore slump by refinining their sound and trimming the fat (most songs are under 3:30). The result is the most hummable, bouncy and "fun" record of the year.
Honorable Mentions (aka the Next Ten)
These albums were all highly enjoyable, but not good enough to make it to my top 13:
Common - Be / Doves - Some Cities / Rogue Wave - Descended Like Vultures / Okkervil River - Black Sheep Boy / Lou Barlow - Emoh / Amos Lee - Amos Lee / Gorillaz - Demon Days / Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine / Devendra Banhart - Cripple Crow / Nada Surf - The Weight Is A Gift
The ethics of cloning and organ harvesting are at the forefront, but the story also touches on free will and what happens when you attempt to strip the human spirit of its most natural desires (aggression, sex, curiosity). It's a great bit of science fiction, but with a terrible script and Bay's tendency to mangle an interesting story with a flurry of chase scenes, car crashes and explosions, the original concept is barely noticeable amidst all the action. When the themes do reach the surface, all the provocative ideas are shoved aside in favor of lame jokes and forced drama.
A lot of the themes in this movie have been explored a lot better in recent years with films like A.I., Minority Report and Serenity. Those movies all took time to ponder the questions they raised. The Island mainly leaves you scratching your head. Set in 2050, things don't look much different from our world, except of course for the fancy Puma track suits, hovering Amtrak trains and winged-door Cadillac sports cars. Our heroes are three and two years old, respectively, and are trained to the education of 15-year-olds. When they make it outside their home facility into the real world, they are in constant awe of the things around them, but only when it's convenient for the script. In one scene, you have Jordan looking to the sky when a bartender asks if she wants her drink "straight up," and in the next she's telling the helpful McCord (Steve Buscemi) "I'm not stupid."
I, however, apparently am stupid, as I chose to see this movie knowing most of the caveats ahead of time. I ignored the warnings because of the two stars. Now I'm left wondering how they got roped into this mess. The dialogue makes that in Star Wars (which McGregor has consistently bashed for its clunkiness) sound like Shakespeare. For someone who has made few questionable choices in her career thus far, Johansson stumbles mightily here. Reduced to eye candy and expressions of varying perplexity/distress, Scarlett takes a major step down that luckily (thanks to Woody Allen) will probably be forgotten quickly. Her most memorable scene in the movie might actually have been her real Calvin Klein commercial, thrown into the movie in a weird bit of meta-reality that goes beyond even Julia Roberts playing herself in Ocean's 12.
Lots of critics have cited that this movie is a perfect example of what's wrong with modern movie-making, and while I can't totally disagree, the movie has some value. It will make for a very popular drinking game for future generations, for example. Just count how many times someone yells "Run!" or "Go!", or even more fun, count the product placements! They come often and in many forms (dialogue, backgrounds, props), so it will surely make the game harder as you get further into the movie. For icing on your drunken cake, you could even drink every time something explodes or a car flips over, but that portion of the game may need a surgeon general's warning. Caution: This movie may cause extreme drunkenness. Please monitor your blood alcohol levels often.
Grade: D
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Wonka also deviates by making the story a musical one. There are a few numbers in addition to the Oompa-Loompa songs found in the book, and while they are charming, none is really effective or memorable after the opening number, "The Candy Man." The Oompa-Loompa songs are dressed up in odd ways as well, even going so far as to display lyrics in increasingly decorative typefaces. The movie is very much a product of the era in terms of production. The song-and-dance stuff is a little to artificial, which might be said also of the special effects and set design. I would not be one saying that, however. While certainly not as massive or as detailed as in the remake, the sets and props in this Chocolate Factory have a great charm that recalls the machines of Dr. Seuss. The special effects wizardry of the remake proves once again that bigger is not always better.
Another high point of the original adaptation is Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka. Johnny Depp hung his Wonka hat on the oddity of the candy magnate, a hermit who never quite fit in. Depp’s Wonka feared was socially inept and a bit, to put it lightly, on the peculiar side. Gene Wilder plays Wonka with more whimsy, more heart. The key though, to his performance, is an undercurrent of anger and resentment, best portrayed in a scene near the end of the film, inside Wonka’s office.
After seeing this original, I realized the remake did many things right that this film did not. In Wonka, Charlie's father is inexplicably absent. While he doesn’t have much to do in the remake, the reinstatement of the father is very important to the relationships between Charlie and Grampa Joe and of course between Willy and Charlie. The remake was also wise to focus the story on the character Dahl actually calls "our hero" in the first pages of his book, young Charlie Bucket. This puts a lot of pressure on the young Freddie Highmore, but he was able to create a much stronger Charlie than Wonka's Peter Ostrum.
In the end, my enjoyment of this film over the big-budget remake comes down to the low-budget charm of the sets and production along with the great performance by Gene Wilder. The real trick of Willy Wonka, though, was to make me reassess my opinions of the remake. Somewhere in between these two movies is a great adaptation of a beloved book, but put together, they're not as bad as I once thought.
Wonka: B
Charlie: B-
If it sounds a well-tread plot with stock characterizations, that’s okay. This coming-of-age story doesn’t break new ground and is a tad melodramatic, but it’s executed and acted with such conviction and honesty that none of that matters. The movie is a bit long but never boring. Veteran TV director Ken Kwapis wisely cuts back and forth between the four plots often (and with ease), never allowing the audience to tire of one character or setting. Bleidel’s story is a bit weak, but the gorgeous Greek island setting makes up for it. Set in a rural Mexico soccer camp, Bridget’s tale, while borne of the most painful circumstances, doesn’t really rise above a summer fling. The best tales are left to Ferrera and Tamblyn, who transcend what could’ve been some sappy dialogue and mushy “hope for the future” propaganda.
By the end of the movie, I was fully invested in these characters and their devotion to each other. Not even some forced happy endings (Bridget running into her summer flame a few blocks away from her house, for example), could make me dislike this movie. It didn’t move me to tears of joy, but then again I’m not a twelve-year-old girl.
Grade: B
As the penguins make their way back home, Jacquet and cinematographer Jerome Maison capture the danger and beauty of this little-tread continent. The journey, though long and arduous, is the easiest part of the penguin winter. From here on, the temperatures drop, the food is scarce and the only thing the penguins have to survive is their will and unity. Only by joining together—first to find a mate, then to keep each other fed and warm—do the penguins live through the winter and live on for another generation.
Narrated with a warmth only Morgan Freeman can provide, the film wisely speaks only when it has to, letting the marvelous landscapes and penguin personality tell much of the story. Never boring, March of the Penguins works as a nature documentary, family movie and penguin love story all at once. If you don't have a smile on your face by the time the little chicks take their first dip into the springtime ocean, your heart is even colder than an Antarctic winter.
Grade: A
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